zeminith

2011-06-11T21:11:00.000+08:00

I asked you what's your priorities.
I asked if you are ready.
In the end, it showed through.

2011-06-06T00:12:00.002+08:00

ninjadorg wrote:
You are clearly trying to drain the life from a richly entertaining game by way of a mathematical chore.

This kind of absolutist condemning statement pops up occasionally when someone proposes a mathematical or formal thought experiment, and I find it disturbing, as if people should always have only 1 lens through which they view the world.

Is a botanist unable to appreciate the beauty of a rose simply because sometimes he analyzes roses scientifically? Do botanists try to drain the life out of beautiful flowers?

Is a painter unable to appreciate the beauty of a landscape simply because sometimes she analyzes the colors and shades and textures of the scene she is painting? Do painters try to drain the life out of beautiful scenes?

Is a novelist unable to appreciate the beauty of a story simply because they sometimes make formal outlines and lists of characters and research the meanings of words in dictionaries and check technical rules of grammar and punctuation? Do novelists try to drain the life out of fiction?

Is a wine lover unable to appreciate the taste of a nice wine due to thinking about what ingredients must be in it, or how long it might have fermented?

Etc etc.

Many people enjoy geeky analysis and thinking formally about game systems. If you personally are not into that, then cool... but please don't assume that others who doenjoy it are unable to enjoy and appreciate other aspects of games (especially when they themselves explicitly acknowledge that formal mathematical analysis is not what the play of this particular game is about), or assert that they are trying to drain the life out of things.

hmm time

2011-05-29T13:50:00.002+08:00

I'm surprised how people can find time to emo sometimes.

2011-05-02T01:23:00.001+08:00

Guess who's back~

Back again~

X is back!

Tell your friend!

Guess who's back

guess who's back

na na na na na na na~

Motto

2011-04-25T13:52:00.001+08:00

mob

maw'

Hurgh

Bored

2011-04-25T01:21:00.002+08:00

Been quite a while, and since your password remained unchanged, I shall continue posting. I realized you have other blogs, but most of them seemed to be shared by other authors. To keep the fun to myself, I shall plagued this blog only.

But I saw your other blog. Is that your girlfriend and yourself? It should be. That is a very interesting picture. There was a mysterious feel to it. If I ever find myself a girl, I would get a professional photographer to take such a picture too! But judging the distance, did you take the photo yourself? If you did, I'm most certainly impressed.

Here's an interesting read: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kevin_Mitnick

I want to have a wiki page introducing me too, one day. While I rather be famous than infamous, cant really be too picky (= Its still early, so kill catch some time in front of the tube!

Sigh,

2011-04-22T09:58:00.001+08:00

It's almost 3. As usual, this is the time I find it most necessary to prove myself alive. It's easiest done by pretending I'm someone else, who actually HAS a real life that he doesnt have to blog ALL the time. Damn, that makes my life sound more pathetic than it is.

So, dear blogger, you have changed your password! Someone must have announced my presence (= Attention seeking succeeded! Too bad adding those two numbers did not help much. Try harder next time yea?

To whoever is reading this. This is just a lonely mind seeking company. So if my fooling around here is pissing anyone off, hate the action but dont hate the person...

Yours,

Hacked.

2011-04-21T17:32:00.002+08:00

Dear blogger,

Sorry to tell you that, your account is easily hacked! You should change your password. At least add some numbers to challenge me. Do change, so I can try to see if I can successfully do it again...

But judging your past entries, it would take weeks before you see this. So, I shall have some fun here (=

In case you're wondering, I'm not exactly a professional hacker... I just like stepping into someone else's shoes and play their roles for them. I feel I can do this better than these ppl could. And I most definitely feel better as another person than as myself.

I think that's good enough an intro to me for now.

Until my next post,

2011-03-22T00:15:00.002+08:00

I dont think you guys get why I like the car.
I can f-ing scream and shout all i want inside.

That's it. I am taking control.

0311 (FML)

2011-03-11T01:02:00.002+08:00

FML if the only people that believe in me and my ideas are my competitors and enemies.

2010-12-27T22:42:00.000+08:00

meetups; it is just going to get harder.

2010-09-16T21:42:00.003+08:00

fakfdiohfjasdngjkbsedjkhfgiadb

*^Y&%#$#$%$Q*OU@P(#IP{#O@P{O#P@IOP@UIO@UIOY@#IY@IY@#YIO@#
IO@UIO@UIOU@#IOU@#IOU@#IOU@#PI@#OPI&*%!@^%@#(@#$UT#IO@U#
@UOP#iOP@y3uiT@W#UOhiey@IOe3@U#pu@POU#P@U#tU@TUIG@UIGUI

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFF 1 hour of sleep

lessons from a kid

2010-08-24T00:40:00.002+08:00

Was having tuition today and randomly asked the tutee to give an example for an animal.

"rabbit!" he says, then with a small pause, he started spelling it out "R.A.B.B.I.T"

(even though i did not even ask him to)

Then he looked at me smugly; proud at being able to spell the word.

Some people would simply put him down and treat this as a small matter.

But well, it could remind us of those halcyon young days where we are proud of the little things we manage to do; new capabilities we gain every day, and basically being happy with oneself and one's progress.

That; I believe is the stepping stone to greatness...

(to recapture that.... hmm)

Matric Fair 10

2010-07-28T00:39:00.002+08:00

Girl: "You guys must be having the most fun in this hall. Everyone else is busy pushing their CCAs to the freshman and you guys just sit here and play board games..

a second later...

Girl: "Darn Cool!" :)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Made our day ;p

Haha, yes the idea of Pull vs Push is good.

And so, 4 relatively stress free days of matric fair ended with us garnering a decent amount of names. Hopefully those are from people really interested since we did not even bother to psycho anyone.

MR.com

2010-06-20T03:21:00.001+08:00

let's just say, I'm pretty touched by my team members' efforts and commitment to the cause.
We would do great!

SPORE-CON

2010-06-08T16:25:00.003+08:00

Escapade, explosion...

Well, well,
Dominion finals, was a well, say, i was careless in the first round. Made up for it in the next two, got to semi.

Too relaxed in the final... though cos everyone was cheerful, and the competitive spirit vanish...

But still, let's say i bombed... Sigh.

1st and 4th is from TGiG; yay!

carcassone. I would say i played well, very well. But boomed due to luck. as fate would have it, the final tile turned me from 1st position to last, making me lose my shot at semi-finals.

(38 point castle shared by 3 players ):

One lost due to lack of skill, composure, discipline

One lost due to luck, despite great play...

Hmm, forced to play werewolves with little kids, had silly time with ala carte and architect.

Learnt Vampire: The Eternal Struggle and Thunderstone.

Play two full day of games.

Escapade, explosion...

Secretly, wanted it to be a brief escapade from life; but well, explosions thoughout.

Sorry for worrying loved ones...

Went a crazy from the tiring days...

Screams into the pillow...

Learning how to: silent screams..

06/03

2010-06-03T01:38:00.002+08:00

working day 01. I must say it is much more relaxing as compared to the other.

Hmm, two nagging negatives.

1) Failed to teach cashflow properly

2) Did not initiate a what could be a presumptuous statement:
"sir, I would like to introduce this game to you; which I believe your child would like"

well, there's something special when you successfully manage to give someone a toy they especially like; but that desire was tone down in view of not offering unsolicited suggestions that may irritate.

Positives:

1) learnt some nice games, to share with close pals and Dearpy.

2) Introed Dragon Inn to an appreciative audience.

3) On the fly modification of Werewolves to nice results.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MR...
Well, I must say it felt pretty good when someone appreciates your kind efforts and take the effort to thank, complement you.

Still, there's more to forge for, onwards!

Don't Fit In

2010-05-31T17:05:00.000+08:00

doctors

2010-05-30T23:13:00.002+08:00

in some cultures you pay doctors when you are healthy, not when you are sick.

Now doctors grow rich by keeping you healthy and not when you fall sick.

Doctors would then get their priorities right...

It all seem very logical somehow.

transport

2010-05-29T11:38:00.002+08:00

It all started with a caring attitude towards worldly affairs.

Here's an old joke:
TO solve two major world problems; the large numbers of hungry and poor.

Feed the poor to the hungry.

Oh, well:

Transportation, (drafting of not fully form ideas)

One would be a full ban of private transport.

But with a multi fold improvement in public transport quality.

Buses are frequent, cabs are cheaper etc

Pros would be that it would be extremely efficient.

High utilization, maximization,

Of course this may render romantic liaisons in isolated areas with cars impossible.

There would be a clear structural unemployment, so probably an early warning of say 20 years is given so there would be no new entrants and the sector would slowly die out.

JJ

2010-05-29T11:16:00.003+08:00

Jeff posted a status update:

LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE MY DEAR :D

Everyone comments:
Wah, so sweet!

Jeff reply:
haha.. she did something vvvv sweet..

........

.......

......

.....

she accessed my fb... that's all..

:):):):)

final paper

2010-05-05T01:34:00.001+08:00

damn 13C5.

food

2010-05-01T21:28:00.001+08:00

Humans are at the top of the chain, purely because of our ability to invent. We create tools that give us domniance. Unless some other species can do that, we are uncontested, and that's our right. And that do comes with some degree of responsibility, else all would perish.

You mentioned that species at the top of the food chain consume more, resulting in instability of the pyramid and its eventual collaspe.

Take the example of a cattle, it consumes 40 pounds of food daily, whilst humans consume 8 pounds of food daily. A cattle can conceivably feed many humans for several meals.

There is a chinese idiom: 削足适履

Say, your feet have out grown your shoe.
Do you buy a bigger shoe or cut your feet down to size.

Cutting your feet down to size would be a largely impossible solution. Which government would have the right to execute its fellow citizens in the name of population control? Finding reasons to deserve to live is easy but deserve to die is not. As individuals how would you feel if you and your loved ones are targeted for extermination?

However, of course we could try slowing the growth of feet so we wouldn't have to get new shoes so frequently.

As food scientist this would be more relavent. We are charged with the sacred task of managing our food resources to support the world population, a.k.a getting a bigger shoe.

WYR01?

2010-04-22T01:49:00.001+08:00

would you rather create the next (insert fav game name) or attain a high score in (insert fav game name)?

2010-03-11T22:17:00.002+08:00

It is not that I am competitive; it is just that I am not performing to potential. And I ain't pleased. Just a few casual emails; and my grammar’s condemned. Oh well, interesting developments.

blog reply

2010-02-27T01:18:00.003+08:00

This post is initiated as a reply to Cecilia's post

Common interest you mentioned is not a the bond in the relationships. It is the spark. something in common that brought random souls together.

and, the solution?
from a wise man some time ago: "Grow together. "

When you grow together, you continue interacting, do things tgt, share updates, continue being involved in each other's life. You would then generate more stuff you have in common.

Thus, even when the initial common interest runs out as you said, you would have much more to run on for days to come.

but, yes;
how can something so valuable, be so vulnerable?

2010-02-16T23:26:00.002+08:00

I hate “I told you” kind of situations.

Instead of being indignant, proud or happy that I am proven correct; the situation simply speaks volumes of my failure and weakness in counselling them otherwise, of my lack of confidence and resilience in persisting in my superior course of action.

2010-01-25T09:04:00.002+08:00

Opportunities are not given to you, nor do you go looking for them.

You spend all day, building a nice house with a nice door so that opportunities would come knocking.

and when they do, would you answer the door and let them in? Would your house be able to hold them?

2009-10-15T00:29:00.002+08:00

I shall stop searching for things that give me purpose, but give purpose to the things I do.

2009-09-21T17:19:00.003+08:00

lately, thinkig of ways to quantify a day.
What makes it a good day and what makes it a bad day?
What are the measurable factors?
and how will the factors interact with each other?

number of times smiled/laughed?
number of times made others smiled/laughed?
amt of assignments/HW completed?
number of interesting ideas generated/inspired?
frequency of saying smth wrong?

and so on...

2009-09-17T17:18:00.000+08:00

isit easier to believe in a higher being than believing in yourself?

2009-09-17T17:01:00.002+08:00

in years to come, when my children, grandchildren ask me what's most memorable about my uni days; I hope the answer would not be mugging for finals and doing lab reports.

getting a life

2009-09-12T14:53:00.001+08:00

Has a mind of his own.
Ignores what the world says.
Gets ignored in turn.

2009-08-14T01:01:00.002+08:00

resisting the temptation to ask "how's your day?" for the pure purpose of really wanting to know how isit.

2009-08-12T23:04:00.002+08:00

I guess i have an open mind, but i'm ain't good opening minds.

2009-08-01T00:47:00.001+08:00

act what you like to feel.

2009-06-28T10:23:00.000+08:00

Love is in the air... Darn air pollution.

Feminism (still under construction)

2009-05-29T12:12:00.000+08:00

The irony of feminism is that the proponents are rarely feminine.
They adopt lots of masculine characteristic in their fight, which in essence corrupts them.

Of course it may be social bias that such characteristics are "masculine" and this is then a demonstration of the falsehood.

Equal rights? Equal opportunities.
if one gender could do the work better in one vocation; the vocation would naturally slant its policies to promote that gender. Would this be meritocracy? Or Would it be discrimination/inequality?

Criminals

2009-05-29T11:50:00.000+08:00

In an state, there would be crime. It is unavoidable.
How as administrator should we deal with it?

Been playing the game nationstates.net and a recent issue gave an interesting suggestion:

Colosseum, gladiator fights.

1) The risk of death/injury-> criminals are paying for their crime. The challenge can be moderated accordingly to severity of crime.

2) Criminals contribute back to society via providing entertainment.

3) Reduce the need to construct prisons, which saves alot on property. Imagine wasting land space for building prisons, a place that you dont want filled.

4) Criminals have a chance to redeem themselves and earn parole in a very classical and romantic fashion: Demonstrating the worth of their human spirit by defeating their opponents and surviving the ordeals.

Hmm, of course this may results in super ninja gladiator villain criminals that dont fear the justice system due to their capability in the arena.

Also the palatability of such blood fest to the general public...

Hmm, it could be modify to challenges instead of pure bloody fights with beasts opponents and otherwise.

Maintain the ideal of discovering the worth of their human spirit. SAW like challenges?

2009-04-18T12:28:00.002+08:00

everyone is entitled to have opinions. Sometimes it is not obliged to share them.

2009-04-12T16:34:00.000+08:00

It's sad having opponents that don't know you are letting them win...

2009-03-24T00:43:00.001+08:00

life's exciting, when everyday's a deadline...

2009-03-23T23:17:00.001+08:00

7pm: exciting race to finish revision...! and what's a race if you can predict the results?

12am: It has been empirically proven that compressing two months of uni chem syllabus into two days is not possible.....

1am: ... at least it is not energetically feasible...

2009-03-20T23:44:00.000+08:00

you have your music, dance. I have my games. It's just that society awards more admiration for your passion.

2009-03-09T13:20:00.002+08:00

lols, someone said i'm emo... especially after the recent posts, haha, and i'm not!
Driving Cinderella around lately. And, if you are wondering, she's the one that will turn into a pumpkin when left alone, and frequently requires a breath of life.

usual stuff,revising CM1121 and well, leveling.

2009-03-06T09:18:00.004+08:00

One often hears people saying proudly that he/she is waiting for Mr. Right to turn up. Mr Right just do not exist. Everyone has his or her good qualities and his or her weakness. To expect too much from human nature is sure folly. To recognize one's own weak points and the other's person's weak points too, and accepting them is the beginning of maturity. - from.. er somewhere...

lols, so the most right person will be 90% compatible and you will somehow have to accept the other 10% of him/her, which will kinda be a dormant volcano for troubles.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh, maybe, what it needs is just two persons to believe in fairy tales, completely, totally, absolutely.

Oh, and just random, two persons standing side by side, facing the same direction, A will be at B's left and B will be at A's right. Ha, hard to get two "rights" together.

Well, unless,A and B stand facing each other, then walk past/walk towards each other.

Or A and B stand facing away from each other, then walk backwards towards each other.

haha, any philosophical intepretations? Interesting insights?

2009-03-04T11:14:00.002+08:00

banished the demon... finally... vroom 4k

----------------------------------------------

don't find someone you can live with
find someone you cannot live without?

till then,
when one has nothing
hope for anything
regrets letting go of something...

life's alright :)

2009-02-25T11:48:00.002+08:00

A Learned Wheezy Pink

oh, bad day,
loser. lost something ...
knew already

If someone you knew want to commit suicide, one probably ask what, then why, then counsel..

If a groupmate wants to, i'll probably ask,
when and
how.
and as a value added gesture, buy them ropes and insurance.

frustration. maybe i'm... blzzt

2009-02-19T00:38:00.005+08:00

associating with great people either makes you feel inferior or inspired.
associating with fools isn't that bad either. they serve a purpose.
they would gleefully leap into any pitfalls and mines; showing us where they are.
trying to help isn't that helpful, they would probably leap into the next...

mood: bad

2009-02-05T17:17:00.003+08:00

Year 2118

2009-01-24T15:48:00.006+08:00

"things we lose have a way of coming back to us in the end.
If not always in the way we expect. "

2009-01-20T23:37:00.002+08:00

sometimes the key to winning quarrels is knowing how frustrating silence is...

2009-01-17T00:08:00.002+08:00

Do you like then know or know then like someone first?

2009-01-15T01:07:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, to stand out, you dont need to take a step forward... everyone else just have to take a step backwards...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hi, I am a toyata car salesman. When I sell cars to my customers, I dont tell them how good toyata cars are. I tell them how good I am..."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"affable" she said...

2009-01-14T11:52:00.003+08:00

How many photographers are needed to screw a light bulb?

One to do it, 10 others to say that they could have done it.

How many marketers are needed to screw a light bulb?

None, all would be trying to tell you why their light bulbs better serve your needs.

Business, marketing ppl are almost.... too friendly. It's unnatural...

2009-01-06T23:53:00.001+08:00

a new beginning, a chance, again.

some food for thought, for one's who's always hungry?

2008-12-27T23:48:00.002+08:00

will history remember us who failed to change..?
I'll hate to see another unhappy face, but then again, my time is past.
has the ships come?

2008-12-21T23:51:00.001+08:00

it may make you feel alot better, but you will improve alot slower... blasted

2008-12-15T21:10:00.002+08:00

the sole merit of maple is as anesthesia.

2008-11-26T16:34:00.002+08:00

Gastronomical analogy to exams...

You start by stuffing yourself full with info, upon reaching the exam venue, you seek to vomit them out....

Sometimes, the paper is such that it wants stuff you did not prepare. Now with all the info stuck within you, unable to expulse, jammed inside; this could be a serious case of dyspepsia, where the contents start rotting inside... and you suffering outside.

Sometimes, the paper wants more than what you have stuffed, this is when you start vomiting blood.

Oh well, but there are some abominations with an universe for a stomach, and can stuff everything.

maybe the system should not encourage that much stuffing, even though christmas is around the corner...

sigh...

2008-11-23T21:44:00.001+08:00

I want to learn, not study!

crapz.

2008-11-12T23:54:00.003+08:00

With the recent spate of secret missions..

It inspired a revolutionary social research method... barring great ethical controversies...

Maybe life is not about finding Juliet.
But of finding Kira.

2008-11-10T16:17:00.004+08:00

"ha, you will be feeding the sharks there..! "
"well, i was hoping for some shark fin.."

project deadline, whoosh..
soci, done, well, all the best!

PCR

2008-10-18T09:40:00.004+08:00

Enjoy (=

The PCR Song
There was a time when to amplify DNA,
You had to grow tons and tons of tiny cells.
Then along came a guy named Dr. Kary Mullis,
Said you can amplify in vitro just as well.
Just mix your template with a buffer and some primers,
Nucleotides and polymerases, too.
Denaturing, annealing, and extending.
Well it’s amazing what heating and cooling and heating will do.
PCR, when you need to detect mutations.
PCR, when you need to recombine.
PCR, when you need to find out who the daddy is.
PCR, when you need to solve a crime.
(repeat chorus)

If you are really curious, it is a method of duplicating a section of dna you want, selectively amplifying it.

In uni, everyday is like preparing for project work and A levels. Important Exams and Projects always seems to be about 2 months or less due... blzzt.

It is nice to have such "study" aids...
lols, don't sound too bad too..
don't lose motivation,
study, study, study!

Ha, science can be fun and interesting, after you step over the corpses of "basic", fundamental understanding...

sigh, how i wish... could have... a ... (=

2008-10-02T12:24:00.004+08:00

swing...

---=oOo==oOo=----
` ` ` ` ll ` ` ` ` ll` ` ` ` `
,` ` ` ` ll` ` ` ` `ll` ` ` ` `
` ` ` ` ` l_____l ` ` ` `

Happy Children Day...

Unhappy.

2008-10-01T01:52:00.002+08:00

Random thought:
Why do people think that they are saving the planet whilst viewing documents electronically instead of printing;
when fuels are being burnt for energy required to run the device to view the documents?

The problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present. - hobbes

2008-09-16T20:40:00.012+08:00

It's interesting what thoughts float up in the darkness of the darkroom.... well,

Pictorial of previous post. Do view tgt...

It's strange what the world make of us...

The darkness within and the darkness without...
and the fragile shell of sanity and self...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

woe when role reverse
and the darkness within envelopes the light.
the lost light...

darkness to darkness
light to light...

light seeks light,
when all's left are embers
.a flame to rekindle.
when the flame flickers
.a flame to support....

awaiting the light to reach in and grab her searching hand...

2008-09-14T11:17:00.003+08:00

It's strange how the world make of you.
The insane world around us, that breeds an insanity within us.
The insanity within, necessary to survive the insanity without.
The ominous darkness whose tendrils always threatens to engulf one whole.
Fight you shall, but will not, shall not, can not vanquish it. ((For it's life itself.
Wax and wane it always rise again. ((no respite..
Bidding the day, you lapse and lose it all.

Maybe the tiny floating lights would/could bound together. Keeping the darkness without out and keeping the darkness within in.

How now if the darkness broken free, and the light is dispelled, dispersed?
COuld one? .. gather the tiny sparkle remains;
piecing together, the thousands glass shards.
memories of wholeness, marked by the shared crack lines between...

2008-08-21T10:23:00.003+08:00

Happenings in school...

As a researcher, if the (experimental) results don't fit the facts; change the facts.
(like bohr, planck.. bleah)

As a student, if the (experimental) results don't fit the facts; change the results.
(all graphs will be a best fit, no matter the circumstances ;p)

2008-08-03T10:03:00.002+08:00

ha, apologies, apologies...
ooh, a lesson learnt, well, well...
hmm, there are many answers for me... well, talk about one of them..
B then. You keep on losing until you reach your goal or achieve a breakthrough. For example in studies, you lose all the way till your final exams, which you may finally win.
The key in this game of life is thus to endure the very likely and common losing streak, and to have as many breakthroughs as with few intervals as possible?

GOF dice

2008-07-17T13:46:00.004+08:00

random thoughts...

In a dice game. There is 3 different formats.
For each round, You roll a die, depending on its face value you compute your score.
The game can consist of any number of rounds.

Format A) on 1,2,3 lose $30. On 4,5,6 earn $30.

Format B) on 6 earn $50. On others lose $10.

Format C) on 1 lose $50. On others earn $10.

Which format would you choose to play?
(would the number of rounds played affect your choice?)
In the game of life, which format are you playing?

2008-07-08T12:24:00.002+08:00

。阴影

2008-06-13T23:27:00.006+08:00

wow, something interesting happened.
doubt any of you have this unique experience.

So honoured, have been chosen out of the trillions of email accounts
or if it is random,
So lucky, what is the probability of being hacked, it's like striking lottery

Ladies and Gentleman, take a minute and imagine, ha what would it be like if your msn account is hacked?

Loss of messenger contacts? Like losing the online version of the hp no. of everyone? Disconnected. Fresh scenario.
Loss of stored emails, some precious ones from special friends or interesting chain mails?
Who knows what they would want to do with that account?

Oh well, now i have a mandate to change my email account from harpy_god@hotmail.com to zeminith@live.com.
An opportunity to change this slight embarrassing primary school created email address into a new one.

Somehow, an illogical part of my mind believes that there is a reason, a connection. Something disastrous of a similar magnitude has also occurred the last few times I decided to embark on a particular path.....

The concept of being cursed is interesting.....

2008-06-11T01:55:00.004+08:00

人常说，幸福是要争取的。。。

幸福啊，不应该是要去抢，去争取的。

它的优美这么粗鲁会受伤，会损坏。

幸福可不可以是寻找，培养，酝酿，制造的呢？

sigh…

---------------------------------------------------------------

若是永恒，为何紧张？

或许是害怕失去，永恒的消失。。

或许是被思念之意纠缠不断，寻找解脱。。

。。。。。。。。。

。。。。。。。

。。。。。

。。。

。

不跑也该走，徘徊够了，jz！

不会走，也该走下一步了。

若跌倒，也要继续走。。。

2008-05-28T09:27:00.010+08:00

他的存在，不改变我情感的实在。

我若失败，只表示只好再等待。

妳若不爱，也只是我喜欢妳的无奈。

原本很emo, 但自己应该是想通了。

不知谁会看到这个新的一页。。

暗恋，单恋；虽苦，但始终都还含爱情的美。

爱情是个束缚，也是个解放。

束缚着我时时刻刻都想着妳，解放我平日生活的捆绑，开阔视野。

这情感促使我设法去了解喜欢的人，踏入她的世界。学习一一欣赏她喜欢的东西。。

就是这解放的情感促使凡人成为艺术家，写出感人的诗篇，编出动人的旋律。

它使凡人欣赏音乐，目的只是想唱首歌，弹首曲，跳支舞，献给喜欢的人。

欣赏厨艺，目的只是想为喜欢的人准备爱心小点，爱心午餐。

这些都将心中懊恼环绕不断的爱意给传达，希望能感动她。

它变成了创意灵感的来源，塑造美丽事物的动力。

虽依然希望总有一天能交往，能快乐的度过岁月；但还是可以充实的度过这苦中带甜，
盼望的日子。

Raphael

2008-05-14T11:51:00.010+08:00

Raphael

A leaflet from last december’s Taiwan trip.

It was on the 2^nd day, on a coach for the day tour.

It all started when he became bored and turned around, and started “communicating” with us…

Well, we being photography trained, reflexively simply snapped away whilst playing with him. On jeff’s brainchild, showed him the preview in the camera.

He pointed at his pictures and exclaimed “Ra ra, ra ra!” excitedly. It turned out that he is calling his name Raphael, cute right?

Fascinated with this new toy, he opted to tag along for the whole trip.

Well, started to teach him the preview button and the scroll, then presto! he can browse through the pictures himself! “Ra ra, ra ra!” giving us that angelic smile.

throughout the bus trip, when we enter a tunnel, it being lit by orange lights, he will go "ooh" and become very happy. (orange is his fav colour) (:

All of a sudden, he started emulating my actions when photographing, trying to lift the camera to his eyes. Intrigued, I helped him lift it up then guided his searching tiny finger to the shutter button. He then delightedly starts to take photos and previewing them, much to our amusement.

I will be holding the camera for him while he aims and clicks the shutter.

Pictures he took:

An episode that somehow left a warm, fuzzy feeling...

2008-05-07T01:31:00.003+08:00

Pride and Prejudice, with (sm)
simple classical storyline..
though the acting is not bad.

more thoughts..
well, well, the mechanics..

2008-04-30T09:27:00.002+08:00

cracks on the sphere,
crumbling...
darn, to hold it all together....

2008-04-29T13:21:00.003+08:00

Children began by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes they forgive them. – Oscar Wilde

Why do we hurt those close to us?
The ones closest to us is the easiest to hurt.

Does one become myopic when one has children?

to assume the worst of someone.

female voice on the phone >>> adultery
home late >>> out to play.
computers >>> playing games.

Among human relationships, that between parents and children have some particular traits. A hint of absolute, of superiority, of similar ideals conflicting ideas.
Its roots lies in the genesis of this relationship. One of the greater forms of gratitude. With this as base, the presence of unequal footing and conflicting ideas, problem brews.
An oft discussed observation, that of care and concern and wish for the best possible, that is the common ideal.

Hanging by a thread, neither understanding and empathizing enough...

Life goes on, people adapt and grow. Don't stop.

2008-04-28T00:13:00.000+08:00

Fighting against an incorporeal enemy is so interesting… ... and frustrating.

2008-04-03T09:22:00.001+08:00

T-3, ...... it really came true.... fatuous delight..... sigh...

2008-04-02T23:05:00.002+08:00

remember why one has take up the sword once more...

2008-03-19T01:36:00.002+08:00

Only a child, unshackled by the reality he has yet to see, could still freely dream.

Cradle of Creativity.

Innocence is beautiful only because our eyes have been corrupted by the reality of the world.

In the innocence of childhood, she has her greatest companion in the teddy bear.

A confidant, who will patiently listen to everything she has to say and empathize perfectly with her.

Hugging it makes her feel better immediately, dispelling pain and sorrow. Its presence banishes nightmares.

In time, as the magic is lost, the companion becomes just a soft toy; and dies.

In the innocence of childhood, everyone, everything is good…

A new classmate is simply a new playmate and eventually a friend.

Then reality comes along and shows us a bad guy. Maybe because one have been hurt before or fear to become hurt.

Then reality came along and gave us his sunglasses.

When the magic is strong,

The worst sorrows and pain of the world is dispelled with an ice cream or chocolates.

The worst problems eliminated with encouragement and determination.

As the magic leaks, one discover that there are really mountains too high to climb, that there are sorrows and pain so suffocating,

In the innocence of childhood, things are simple and pure.

Gratitude, care, concern all are heartfelt

Emotions are untainted: Happy and Sad.

Then the world taught them jealousy, malice, anger, hypocrisy, fear, and many others…

In the innocence of childhood, all stories are fairy tales, happy endings await (=

As the shell shatters, the magic leaks…

Ask a child what he desires and it could be something small, simple and universal, happiness, love.

Ask an adult what he desires and it could be a multitude of things that the world showed him, delusions and all…

In the end both wants and needs the same things, one gets it, the other don’t.

Cherish your inner child. Keep it somewhere safe against the ravages of reality. As it lives on, it will shine and brighten up the world. Even as reality seeks to bombards you, the inner child will rejuvenate you.

Flickering about and lighting up lives, till the day when reality finally bask in its light.

2008-03-11T00:37:00.004+08:00

sigh, a random post for you all... Well, sadly, as complicated as before. What should I do? What means do I have now? Is there really, really nothing? Need to find a direction to proceed. One needs to learn how to share and care... Briefly, this is the state of affairs currently. ay, 8 sentances, 11,22,33,44,55,66,77,88.

2008-03-11T00:16:00.003+08:00

Kinetic! Eventually, all things will roll and tumble to their position. Enough time, all that is required. Purpose, the push or pull of all these things. Isit not, can and will fate be debated? Time and fate spiralling on. Until the very end, does it matter, as they wind through the corridors to the position. Perhaps, perhaps... !maybe there really is something. (= ....

2008-03-08T00:15:00.007+08:00

The release of results. Does one’s fate really hinge on it? Regrets of not studying harder or not playing more?

Rationally, regrets and anxiety are useless emotions for the outcome will not be changed by it. Condition one to expect nothing? A blank slate for whatever may fall…

And now for the perplexing question. I'm at a loss... To show concern, does one wish the other who is receiving results luck, does one enquire about the results?

In a logical sense luck cant help for results release though it may help if the blessing is given prior to the exam. Now the strange feel good factor for doing so. Does the factor exist, does it make a difference, and do friends expect or hope for it?

I never asked people for results, unless maybe they asked me first. I fear, or I know that I will be at a loss how to console if they’ve done badly, it is as if I’ve reopened their wound. Better not broach... And in one’s style to hide and lick one wounds, not letting others worry.

Maybe in due time, one wouldn’t mind talking about it freely when the emotions subside.

On the other hand if it is good, words of congratulations, though have always felt that the words are hollow for some strange reasons.

Ways to bypass the awkwardness in one’s playful youth: A light hearted bet on who perform worst. Hey, if you done well, good; if you done badly, you’ve won yourself a treat from a friend, consolation of sorts. Cheers, and a light hearted opportunity to dissolve the tense situation?

Ay, and really does it matter, or shall one act like it doesn’t matter? It is a rare gathering of classmates, let’s go have fun together? Ay, in the innocent years, receiving of results simply signifies the start of holidays and the end of the exams.

Whatever it is, a new chapter has begun... The story continues...

No matter what happens, smile on... ?

Dedicated to those dear A level holders after today.... idnwts

2008-03-04T01:17:00.004+08:00

如果我爱上你的笑容， ---------------

2008-03-02T09:40:00.004+08:00

a heart that cared, that went unshared..

2008-02-29T14:26:00.000+08:00

paralysis through analysis....

tsk..

vd

2008-02-17T21:42:00.004+08:00

1402

Valentine's Day

The day the angel lost its wings, how symbolic.

yadv

2008-02-15T11:08:00.001+08:00

What to make of this.

To play the perfect fool?

Or did fate

make the perfect fall?

2008-02-15T11:04:00.000+08:00

What will your reflection think?

Who’s imitating who?

Who’s emulating who?

The Dark and The Light.

2008-02-14T00:22:00.002+08:00

The day the angel lost its wings…

monopoly design log

2008-02-10T22:16:00.000+08:00

Design Log:

Why I wanted to modify this game. At one period played quite intensively in camp. Ha, in army, you do things intensively for a period, kinda like a craze. We had pokemon, PSP, scrabble, drama serial crazes for example. Life’s like that. Maybe cos there is time to kill.

Well, realized that the game can be quite stale. All players will follow an identical strategy of buying all properties they land on, and not trading them so others cant form a full colour group. What ensure then is all mindless dice rolling and following instructions. Amazingly most people still find it fun, even when the outcome is actually out of their hands and with the dice.

Tried out some random ideas with a supportive friend victor. Thanks! Half a year later, with sporadic work, version one is out.

The premise is for fun interactive play that can be outrageous yet fun.
Movement cards for strategic interactive movement.
Brought Auction back into the game. Monopoly nowadays hardly have any auctions.
Exciting Chance cards.
Fluid play unlike standard games where the properties become stagnant.

First playtest. Slow progression/ Complexity of game exaggerated by slow pace. > changed to initial draft of some properties to encourage active intervention.

cny 08

2008-02-10T11:43:00.000+08:00

CNY is a practice of tradition, same things different year. In the rapid changing world, unchanging tradition is refreshing. Yet unchanging has a shade of boredom.

Disconnected. Adrift. Hmm…

1^st day, CNy visit to maternal relatives. Interesting, more interaction. Magic of games, though not as exciting as hoped. A stepping stone… A step forward, a progression, finally a move after years of stagnation. More words exchanged in 10min then 10 years... Whereby, in the past, where we only meet once a year, hardly speaks, exchange greetings and bid farewell again.

2^nd day paternal relatives. Watched movie played blackjack. Sounds kinda repetitive? But well, learn, try to enjoy…

3^rd day, syd bai nian. Alright. Disappointing that some left early… But maybe, each exposure will increase susceptibility and reactivity. Well, quite fun. Though playtest not as ideal… Blackjack and mahjong, quite lucky. Always have this weird concept of manipulating luck flows? Lol.

Have this strange intuition that things are not as rosy as it seems. Hidden…

2008-02-09T00:20:00.001+08:00

It is so plain in front of me yet I did not notice. The much envied carefree and non political nature is the bane. It is because of this nature that we are not progressing, stagnant. The sense of involvement can only be brought about the assigning of roles and responsibilities. Fierce friendships will be forged even as fierce battles and enemies made. Civil war is necessary for the flames that will scourge the weak and the deviant; to harden/forge* the survivors into a united and powerful force. Do I grief, do I regret; for the loss of innocence, for the countless deaths and the many more to come as it renews itself each cycle...? Oh the price of progress. A slow, stagnant death is not mercy.

aus trip 06

2008-01-30T17:35:00.000+08:00

Dec 06

Australia trip, a collaboration between zaobao and queensland tourism board. For them it is to advertise their tourism sites; for us it is to learn Chinese through play, unconventionally.

Went along as photographer to provide photos for the “blog”/report the participants will be writing after the trip.

Well, did the job, nothing spectacular. Photos gradually getting better as the days go on, ha, warming up. Was given VIP treatment, special access to their theme parks w/o queues etc. Lovely skies and wind.

Well, I'm bad with words. Hope the pictures tell a better story... (=

Locations Visited:

Day 1, Tangalooma. Their desert. Underneath the sands, the coloured sand. Remains of various organisms. Slide.

Day 2, Surfers Paradise. Met their minister, shopping and visited their rainforest(same as our natural reserve like bukit timah etc).

Day 3, Visited Dreamworld.

Day 4, Seaworld and spacewalker.

Day 5, mountain resort. Some elements games. campfire

Tsk, the familiar feeling again. Lost opportunities… Not maximising… Interaction with the people, getting to know them…

Met someone special, she really resembles a good friend, the mannerisms, and even a particular conversation shared. Hmm, maybe more on that in the future…

Unfortunately, good things come to an end? The trip ended, and the people return back to their lives. This becomes a memory and nothing more. Everything fades into memories, and memories eventually fade into nothingness. A pity, especially if it was a wonderful experience that was enshrined into memory.

Could the experience not become memory but continue, develop, become something more, become the ongoing present, something that has yet to end?

from {Tuesdays with Morrie}

2006-12-02T15:55:00.000+08:00

Hi, back again. Well, some excerpts from the book {Tuesdays with Morrie}. Quite thought provoking.... enjoy :)

_______

As long we can love each other, and remember the feeling of love we had, we can die without ever really going away. All the love you created is still there. You live on - in the hearts of everyone you have touched and nurtured while you were here.

Ha, my fav excerpt.
How one transcends time and the mortality...

____

Instead, I buried myself in accomplishments, because with accomplishments, I believed I could squeeze in every last piece of happiness before I got sick and died..., which I figured was my natural fate.

I traded lots of dreams for a bigger paycheck, and I never even realized I was doing it.

Will this happen to us? When reality finally consume our dreams? When ideals give way.…?

Has every one of us once harbored the thought to make the world a better place? Yet the world has its way of systematically converting us...

_________

People are only mean when they’re threatened, and that’s what our culture does. Even people who have jobs in our economy are threatened, because they worry about losing them. And when you get threatened, you start looking out only for yourself.

But well, sometimes the state of the world seems to be a display of inevitability… Survival of the fittest still applies, competition still exists, no matter whether you want to be in it or not, it simply churns you in...

_________

The culture we have does not make people feel good about themselves. And you have to be strong enough to say if the culture doesn't work, don't buy it.

So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy doing things they think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.

We don't experience the world fully, because we are half-asleep, doing things we automatically think we have to do.

Part of the problem, is that everyone is in such a hurry. People haven’t found meaning in their lives, so they're running all the time looking for it. They think the next car, the next house, the next job. Then they find those things are empty, too, and they keep running.

Once you start running, it's hard to slow down...

Purpose and meaning, purpose and meaning..... still searching..... ?

___________________

(We are to stand, then fall backwards, relying on our partners to catch us. Most are uncomfortable with this, and we cannot let go for more than a few moments before stopping ourselves. )

Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, too - even when you're in the dark. Even when you're falling.

_______________________

Once you learn how to die, you learn how to live.

In the beginning of life, as infants, we need others to survive. At the end of life, frail, we need others to survive. But here's the secret: in between, we need others as well.

We need to forgive ourselves for all the things we didn't do. All the things we should have done

_________________________

A teacher affect eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops. - Henry Adams

Inspiring isn't? Now that three of my friends are embarking on their journey to become a teacher... Well, well...

______________________

(8) training to be soldiers, fight for our laand... (8)

2006-08-27T15:17:00.000+08:00

The time has finally come. After decades of strife, the animosity between elves and humans is drawing to a close. Plipti Plains. It shall end where it all began. The plains where first contact was made, where the first wave of elves that surged into the Homelands met their first challenge. This day, it shall be soaked red again.
The greatest array of warhost in history has been gathered. The elves with all their eighteen battle guilds, the humans with the elites of the five nations. A defeat of the elves will reduce them to scattered sands in the wind, eliminating the threat and ensuring peace for years to come. Or so the High King said.
Lord Hazac gazed across the field, at those slender, sickening elven forms. Those marauding devils shall be vanquished today, or he will be too dead to care. This war has taken away his life and given him another. All his life he has been training, and fighting. There is nothing left for him to fight for, he fight for the sake of fighting, and that is all he knows. His training to defeat this horror has turned him into a horror of his own right, a death-dealer, blade-on-legs, and nothing else.
Lady Aine's parting words continued to haunt him.
Hollow...
With a roar, the nation's most accomplished swordsman charged into the fray.

The growth of a concept that developed during my dark lanoitan ecivres training phase, where sometimes we train under incompetent command and flawed institution; we train to defend something we dont believe in; we train till we know nothing but train, with the many weekends eaten up, personal freedom and welfare swallowed, social and family life fading away, resulting in a pretty hollow existance.

2006-07-01T00:26:00.000+08:00

curse thee,
terrible thug of time
tugged six of seven
stolen my sunshine
all i hope, saturday's mine.